is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
