So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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