Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
