I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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