Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
