Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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