dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I will be naked everywhere
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.