matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.