I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
