forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours