I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
