We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
