Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
