do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
