I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
