im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
