I am full of burrito and curiosity
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
