My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
