i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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