omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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