I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
