Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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