Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
