The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
