so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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