wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
