Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
