It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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