My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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