Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
