dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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