That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
