sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
