Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
