Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
