best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
