Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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