I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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