I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Randomize
