she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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