you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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