I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
