Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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