Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
