Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
