worst night to have a conscience
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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