We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
