we made out on top of his cat.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
