I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
