he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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