You made me cry and you don't even care
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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