Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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