I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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