I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
