it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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