I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
