she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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