Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
