Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
