Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
