so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
bring money and cleavage
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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