I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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