hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
