"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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