i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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