naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
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Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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