Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
