Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
